The thing about men.

Ahm wow. Thats a big one now.

I mean… theres many decent guys out there. well trained, nice and beautiful. And handsome. But in my head is one big question: how can one ever say what’s true friends, and real love, if guys are fucking around like sodom and gomorra- pretending they really love each other. Thats sex, not love.

So it brings me to a point where i try to be honest with myself: to get a grown up person i need to know myself enough to differ whats sex and love. And when i am honest or self betraying.

I mean thats a hard lesson but: so many guys out there are pretenders. And i had a very hard time, i was struggling a lot to build up self esteem. There’s just too much lies in a human beings life, ain’t there?

And then sometimes i really feel like a lost person- but if i dont give values to me and to my life … who is going to. So it is a bitter world as a betrayed young person today. Most people want to be respected and loved- but they dont even respect themselfes. of course it is not erotic now to say this, but it contains so much of ‘the actual truth’: it is just sex. It is just ancient hormones that have always been coming over everyone of us. How do we become human and not stay kind of animal whores? Is there nothing more?

And by the way: everybody can do bodybuilding. Thats nothing special. But not everybody has an honest heart, not everybody cares about others. Many people are simply followers. They want to be good people, but they simply are lemmings. They do whats to be done. They say, whats fitting the most. They fill every gap without actual thoughts. Thats cheap. Thats random. Thats without an actual spirit. So here I am, the small man without any super powers. As little as the folk surrounding me. I think an artist like Mike Myers has saved my adolescence. A guy like Austin Powers. Personas of great Humor. Artists. Real human beings. Honest shared feelings. True talking. Direct feedback. People not giving me up.

This is where i say thanks. This is where i stop.

the mashup diary of a late adolescent person in 🇦🇹